| I'm out. |
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| 06:31am 26/11/2003 |
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mood:  annoyed music: Korn//Did My Time
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I think I'm done with the whole journal thing. I am so busy nowadays that it actually takes a conscious effort to get online and write an entry. And not only am I posting less and less, fewer and fewer people are commenting. Either people suddenly don't read this, or they are too lazy to post something. Or they all are 'quitting' like I.
I'm not disappearing from the internet forever, just from LJ. You can still reach me at:
XvLostInShadowvX (AIM)
Xlostinshadowx (AOL)
Xlostinshadowx@aol.com (e-mail)
Please IM me or email me or something or I'll probably never speak to you again since I'm not checking livejournals either.
You guys have been great to me, and I appreciate that. I love all you little monkeys. xD
But seriously, before you guys I had absolutely NO friends. You all showed me that I'm not as ugly, stupid, annoying, etc. as I always thought I was. You show me how I was seeing the world and how the world really is. I appreciate that too. Some of you, without even knowing it, have saved MOST of my sanity. I hope some of you will talk to me, but if you don't, I'll never forget any of you guys. You're all too good to forget, and oh my god that sounds stupid. n.n
And with that, I'm out. ::bamf::
EDIT: Just for the hell of it, I'm doing my last LJ-survey. And filling it out with as much detail as possible.
[ Last time you... ]
Really Smiled: I...don't smile much. I kind of smirk. Does a smile have to show teeth? xD
Laughed: Last night when my little brother blew up a latex glove and drew a face on it and said "He's the glovenor of california."
Cried: Recently.
Danced: Yesterday night. It's too early to move, let alone dance, this morning.
Were sarcastic: Yesterday. Same thing applies.
Kissed someone: A while ago.
Had a nightmare: Two days ago.
[ A Last time for everything.. ]
Last book you read: Treasure Island for a book report.
Last song you heard: Three Days Grace...I hate everything about you
Last thing you had to drink: H2O.
Last time you showered: This morning.
Last thing you ate: Yogurt.
[ Fashion ]
1. Do you wear a watch: Yeah. It's tiny and black.
2. How many coats and jackets do you own: A couple hoodies and a black peacoat thing.
3. Most expensive item you've bought: My computer. I saved up for an eternity for that. >< It cost me quite a bit...
4. What kind of shoes do you wear?: Sketchers that are just starting to fall apart a little bit.
I can't end my final post with the word "bit." It's against my non-existant religion. So...::fades away to nothing:: |
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| 11:17am 23/11/2003 |
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mood:  accomplished music: Madonna//Die another Day
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Last night, I uploaded all of the tracks from the Evanescence CD (Origin) onto my computer. Since very few people I know have that CD, if you want I can send the tracks out to some people. In order for me to do so, post here with your email address and which tracks you want out of the following:
1. "Origin" (It's just a 30-second introduction to the CD)
2. "Whisper" (It's a different version than on the Fallen CD. It's a little slower and it's all echo-y and stuff.)
3. "Imaginary" (Once again, a different version than on the Fallen CD. A new verse is added and the song starts out with the "swallowed up in the sound of my screaming//cannot cease for the fear of silent nights..." part.)
4. "My Immortal" (same exact one as on the Fallen CD.)
5. "Where Will You Go?" (completely new track)
6. "Feilds of Innocence" (new track, slow song, Very pretty song and lyrics)
7. "Even in death" (cool song, has kind of a creepy style to it like "haunted" off of the Fallen CD. new track.)
8. "anywhere" (new track, it's alright, but not one of my favorites)
9. "Lies" (AWESOME new track. I love this one. It has the most intense beat and there's some screaming and the intro is so cool.)
10. "Away from me" (new track. it's good.)
11. "Eternal" (8-minute long instrumental track. I like it.)
12. "Listen to the rain" (this one's all choir.) |
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| Drama-filled day. |
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| 07:44pm 19/11/2003 |
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mood:  exhausted
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Truths With Crossed Fingers- 11/19/03'
Sometimes our truths
Are just lies in disguise...
Truths with crossed fingers.
The graffitti on my wall
Tells it all; tells it all
Words about betrayal,
love,
and truths with crossed fingers.
How so often the three intertwine
Maybe it's a sign; maybe a sign
That there are no lies
Only Truths
With crossed fingers.
Today...well, in a nutshell, SUCKED. :) In first hour we did grammar (the only boring moment of my day), in second hour I couldn't play my instrument because my throat was swollen and sore, so I had to sit there and listen to other people play.
In third hour I started to get shaky, dizzy, and hungry. (I have blood sugar issues-- hypoglucemic, i think it's called. I probably spelled it wrong though). I felt like I was going to pass out. Mrs. Shelton, my history teacher, knew that by now so she got me some food from a vending machine. After I ate it I felt a little better for a while. People kept on asking me what was wrong and stuff. I dont like all of the attention. I guess it would be kind of not hard to ask because I was probably pale, shaking, and had dark circles around my eyes.
In 5th hour I went to the library with Mercedes (who is so much like Waff that it's scary) and Ashnee and we were on the computers and I was looking through the files out of sheer boredom and I found a 505-page word document listing everyone's address and phone number enlisted in a school in my town. And I saved it onto a disk. And I have it. I can prank call people that I don't like. :) I'm a genius.
Then in 6th hour I started choking on air. I took a breath the wrong way and started coughing, and couldn't stop to breathe, so I was literally almost going to suffocate. Not fun.
And in gym, I asked Mrs. Hester if I could sit out from swimming because I wasn't feeling good. She said okay but I had to walk around the pool. I did that, and then I started to get dizzy and shaky again. Then the dizzyness got worse and I leaned up against the wall and someone told her and she came over and freaked out and made me sit down. So this girl that I used to HATE goes and gets some food for me (and when i offer to pay her back she says no) and then helps me get to my bus. That was really sweet, taking into consideration that she hated me too.
I'll save you guys from the rest of my drama. I AM THE DRAMA QUEEN. RAWR.
EDIT: There's a group at my school for gay/bi students. :O!!! I want to go! |
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| 04:09pm 16/11/2003 |
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mood:  cheerful
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I drew another picture:
Three
Yesterday Symmy spent the night and we stayed up 'till 5:00 in the morning. O.O;; I'm going to have a hard time falling asleep tonight. :/
I bought a new computer game yesterday. It's "Zoo Tycoon"...like "Rollercoaster tycoon" exept it's a zoo instead of an amusement park. Pretty fun. ^^ |
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| TGIF. |
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| 08:32pm 14/11/2003 |
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mood:  optimistic music: Linkin Park//Crawling
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I scanned two drawings. Please take a look at them. ^.^
One
Two
I have a volunteer job at the humane society now. I go on Mondays (excluding next Monday) and well, basically work there without getting paid. :) I got an ugly t-shirt for it that's pinkish-red. xD It's okay, I'm pretty excited about it. My first job is not at McDonald's after all. :D And on some Saturdays I'm going to work at the vet's with Debbie. You have to start somewhere. I want to go to college to be a Registered Nurse. Starting with animals is good practice. Plus, kittens are CUTE. *.* I think I'm qualified versus some people because I have a love for animals but I'm not really wussy when it comes to them being hurt or dying. I do my best to help them, but I don't take things too hard if something goes wrong.
ENOUGH rambling already, self. xD
I can't believe I actually liked swimming class today. Amber brought goggles (the mask kind that go over your nose) and i put them on and purposely fell to the bottom of the pool to see how long I could stay there. Answer to that question= a long time. But I should have started swimming back up BEFORE I ran out of breath, I've never held my breath that long in my life. I can swim really well under water, but that's only if i have something plugging my nose because I like...inhale water. xD I was doing flips and shit, it was fun.
Anyway...there's too many people in my house right now. It's a party-type thing with my parents and their friends, and my brothers and their friends, and I'm all alone. :( (I'm too exhausted to have someone over so why am I complaining? xD)
THE END. finally.
EDIT: Oh, and Havana: I watched "Will and Grace." Adorable show. ^.^ |
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| BUTTER IS BAD. >O |
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| 06:52pm 13/11/2003 |
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mood: aggravated music: Disturbed//Enemy
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Today I had to give a demonstration speech. I demonstrated how to make apple cinnamon muffins from scratch. Well, it didn't go so well. xD I had this kid melt some butter for me when i was starting, and then it exploded all over me so i had to do my speech while i was wearing some butter. :( I smelled like butter all day. >< At least I made the best of it, (xD!!!) when I went to put the butter in, I go "Well, you're supposed to put 1/3 cup in, but obviously i'm putting in less than that because I'm wearing most of it at the moment. ::looks at camera::" xD
I'm almost done reading Treasure Island for that book report that's due after Thanksgiving break. I like it.
And tomorrow I'm going to go work at the humane society. Well, i'm going to the orientation so I can start working there. I don't get paid yet. ::frown:: But you have to start somewhere, y'know? |
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| 07:08pm 11/11/2003 |
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mood:  shocked
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We got our report cards today. I got a 3.78 GPA. :O |
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| 06:15pm 10/11/2003 |
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mood: happy music: Deftones CD
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Today was nice. My day was...highlighted, i suppose. I'll just skip the hours in which nothing happened.
First Period: The teacher announced that everyone in the class got an A or B on the grammar test. I didn't fail! :D :D :D I dont know my grade yet, but obviously, it's an A or B so it can't suck. :)
Third Period: We took notes, and somehow we got into this really deep class conversation about if what people percieve is actually the truth, what is actually real. (Reminds me of "The Matrix." lol) I brought up the point that I often find myself wondering if...say, two people are eating a carrot. Does the carrot taste the same to both people? If not, is that why some people like certain things while others don't? Interesting. Like when people say Mangoes taste like Carrots. How in the hell do they come to that conclusion?! lol. Anyway, after class I went up to the teacher and started talking again, and she goes "do you always think like that?" and i'm like "...yeah, actually." and she goes "you think in like...paradoxes. You think like it's not only in your point of view but the point of view of someone else at the same time, and you compare the two.." and she went on like that. Weird. Now I'm really inspired to write a story. It's going to be about someone living their life like normal, somehow coming across a flaw in the system, and getting to see how others view the world. Someone else is going to think totally differently, and the things that the first person saw were never said or heard. It's a weird concept, actually.
Fourth Period: My speech got moved to Thursday. ::le sigh:: I wanted to get it over with. :( Oh well. The "how to" speeches of today included: how to do a makeover...(exept the girl put makeup on Richard and played that "dude looks like a lady" song in the background. Quite funny.), how to make a cake (we got samples. yay), and how to put a song together. (this black kid, he brought in some instrumental music for background music, and RAPPED. Holy shit he was so good at it. It kicked ass. The lyrics were awesome and deep, not like the usual rap songs you hear. "i'm a pimp, yo yo, homie...i love how you do dat thing...yo.")
sixth period: I passed the quiz so me and 3 other people got to go sit in the library while the rest of the class got lectured to study more so they dont fail. :)
seventh period: I swam for the first time in a week. Not fun. :( But it's half over already. Only nine more swimming days to go. And maybe less, sometimes it's cancelled. So probably 8 more days.
Then my dad let Amber come over to my house for like two hours before she had to go to work. (haha she just got a job and she hates it. i forgot what she does though) It was fun, we basically just talked while we sat next to the CD player that was on full blast. xD I'm going to go deaf at an early age. |
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| IMPORTANT UPDATE |
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| 02:16pm 09/11/2003 |
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I now have AOL 9.0 on my computer. I will still be using both AIM and AOL, but my email address is now Xlostinshadowx@aol.com. You can IM me on either AIM or AOL, it doesn't matter. |
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| Random updates |
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| 02:47pm 08/11/2003 |
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mood:  hyper music: Alicia Keyes//Fallin'
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I wrote a song. Like, with music and stuff. I'm going to record it eventually on my computer, and figure out the background music. ^^
Liquid Eclipse
I admit
I never should have made you cry
But you never should have made me want to die
Leave me alone
To stew in my own guilt
I am filled with thoughts of you
Not sweet like they used to be
What have you done?
Now you're a shadow
Blocking out the sun
I always thought
That you were the one
But I was wrong...
oh, so wrong...
A thousand tears were cried over you
It wasn't worth it
Leave me alone
I'm swallowed up in your darkness
Engulfed in your eclipse
Now you're just a shadow
Blocking out the sun
I always thought
That you were the one
But I was wrong...
Oh, so wrong...
My eclipse...
I also might get a job at the vet's office that my mom's friend Debbie works at. And I'm going to be volunteering at the Humane Society animal shelter thingy after school (i dont know what days yet I didn't get my schedule). So much work. But it will all pay off. ^^
I am in desperate need of a new icon. It would be neat-o to have one with some of my above song lyrics on it. :O |
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| 05:20pm 04/11/2003 |
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mood:  relieved music: dad and brother playing guitar+drums
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Good things happened today.
I got to sit out for swimming. This is the first time in my young LIFE that I was even remotely happy that I'm on my period.
That speech I was freaking out about doing tomorrow, I'm doing IN A WEEK. YAYYYY.
Also, I got to go in the inside of our new house. No drywall is up yet but it looks cool. My room has a walk-in closet and it's pretty big. And a huge window. And it's kind of...square. xD
Although, I did leave my NINETY DOLLAR graphing calculator in the gym. I hope it's still there tomorrow, or at least in the office, because if not I'm screwed. It belongs to the school so if I lose it I pay $90. :( |
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| 06:52pm 02/11/2003 |
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mood: amused
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I just went into a chat room and convinced everyone there that I was a 63 year old pornstar midgit that cries when i see trees. xDDDD |
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| 12:14pm 02/11/2003 |
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mood: cheerful
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I feel much better now. I got my speech outlined and I don't feel sick anymore. :D
I had two really creepy dreams last night. The first one was scarier, and it went like this...
I was getting dressed in front of my mirror. I was in a bra and jeans and I was holding a shirt. I looked in my mirror, and my TV was reflected in it. I look back at my TV, and it's off. Just a plain black screen. Then I look back at my mirror and there's a FACE in the TV screen. A very faint one, and you almost couldnt see it because it was grey and the screen was black. So I freak out and walk in front of the TV. I can't see the face looking directly at it, but when I look in the mirror it's still there. Plus I think my body temperature dropped quite a bit, I kept on getting chills (this is still in my dream but my dreams are very realistic) and stuff. So in a dumb dream-logic effort to make it go away, I turn the TV on. Nothing happens, it's still there, and my TV shorts out when there was NO power going to it. I wake up, and I had turned my TV on in my sleep. And the remote was right on my nightstand where I had left it. So I must have gotten up in my sleep, grabbed the remote, turned the TV on, put the remote back in it's exact location, and layed down again in the exact position that I was. Is that even possible?
And the second one was just weird. It didn't scare me, I was just freaked out from the last one. xD I was getting ready to swim in gym class, and I was taking a shower in the girl's locker room (damnit, why did I have to read part of Carrie before I fell asleep?!) and all of a sudden this boy walks in. I'm like... O.O;;; "WTF?!" and he just stands there. Meanwhile I'm trying to cover myself, and he just stands there. And this little stream of blood runs down his chin all horror-movie-like. Nobody else in the locker room realizes this boy is standing there, so I'm like 'either he's dead or i'm seeing things...' and so I calm down and try not to look stupid and continue taking a shower, right? Well he's still standing there. I'm thinking go away, go away, GO AWAYYYYY... but he's still standing there. Suddenly I scream "GO AWAY!!" and then he vanishes. Then everyone's looking at me weirdly and then I wake up. I turned my TV OFF in my sleep that time, because I didn't turn it off when I woke up the first time. |
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| No longer A.W.O.L. |
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| 06:35pm 01/11/2003 |
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mood:  numb
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Sorry about just...dissapearing. I really didn't feel like getting online for like...three days, then for a couple days my internet connection didn't work. Right now I'm...well, not so good. Shitty, actually. Yesterday was alright, halloween is always fun for the most part. We could dress up for school, and it was cool, then I took my brothers and Cartman (don't ask. My brother's friend looks JUST like Cartman from South Park and he can do a really good impression of him, so I'm like "i'm calling you cartman now." And so now I do. xD I think I yelled "CAN IT, CARTMAN!" at least 5 times when he was talking to people who were giving us candy.) So then I went to a halloween party which happened to be extremely stupid. I left early because it was kind of depressing and I was tired.
So this morning I had a hangover from eating so much sugar. Literally. I didn't know you could get hangovers from things other than alchohol/drugs, but you can. O_O;; I had a really bad headache and I just like...died and stayed that way for the entire rest of the day. I feel like the world is all slow-motion today. I think I read for like 5 hours today without a break.
Oh yeah, and yesterday I either broke one of my toes or knocked it out of place. Nobody believes me when I say things like that, expecially people that are there when it happens, because I am NOT wimpy when it comes to physical injuries. I could break my arm and not cry. So anyway, I was actually taking a shower and there is this shelf-thing hanging off of the showerhead with shampoo and stuff on it. So i grab the conditioner and a can of shaving cream gets knocked down and it lands on my toe. I cringe and grab it. The metal part is like...embedded in my skin, it was weird. So i pull it out and there's like blood. So like a half hour later i go to school, and it starts hurting again, so i remove my shoe and it's really really swollen and i couldn't bend it. Then some kid stepped on it in the hallway, and i still can't bend it. Great.
It's only 7:00. I'm going out of my mind. |
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| trick or treat! |
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| 06:49am 28/10/2003 |
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| My LiveJournal Trick-or-Treat Haul |
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| kittispork goes trick-or-treating, dressed up as A geisha girl. | | _screamer gives you 15 orange pineapple-flavoured gummy worms. | | cero gives you 11 dark green pineapple-flavoured wafers. | | chicha tricks you! You get a broken toy car. | | gabbysun gives you 5 light blue grape-flavoured wafers. | | katie8787 tricks you! You get a pencil. | | kiss_and_ride gives you 10 red-orange passionfruit-flavoured pieces of chewing gum. | | lord_jessikhan tricks you! You get a button. | | porcelain_wings gives you 2 light yellow blueberry-flavoured gummy bears. | | waffuru tricks you! You get a button. | | xxxblack_catxxx gives you 19 white cinnamon-flavoured hard candies. | | kittispork ends up with 62 pieces of candy, a broken toy car, a pencil, a button, and a button. | | Another fun meme brought to you by rfreebern. |
...Katie gave my pencil back. :( |
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| Swimming update. xD |
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| 04:46pm 27/10/2003 |
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mood: annoyed
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Swimming class was NOT fun. xD I'm just greatful that I'm not the WORST swimmer like I was in 7th grade. So basically...we had very little time to change into bathing suits. Of course it was like the first day so while everyone was changing they were like trying not to accidently flash someone. xD Then she made us rinse off in the showers and it was COLD. Then we sat for five minutes, shivering, waiting to get into the pool. So she goes, "okay, jump in." so i jump in and immideately shriek "SHIT!" in a high pitched squeaky voice because it was so cold. xD So anyway, then we had to do some laps to see how much we sucked, and...I sucked. I slowed down ALOT after like two laps. And the pool's not that big. I wasn't last, but I was close to it. Of course I have a minor fear of deep water so I panic whenever I can't touch. I'm going to have to tell her about that. :/ Anyway, so then we go back in with like 8 minutes to change, which is not enough, so no one is being modest anymore so there's a bunch of naked people running around (which was scary beyond belief, there's quite a few erm...lardy people in that class). >< And then we were all late. :) |
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| 06:36am 27/10/2003 |
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mood:  pessimistic
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Here's a case of "the good, the bad, and the ugly."
Good: My dad made an offer on a house and we find out if it's ours today. I didn't see the inside yet, but i'm pretty excited. I'm not really moving because its in the same city and since i live in two places...well you know what i mean. We can't take my aunts computer over there though. Damn. I hope we get this house there was literally like NOTHING else that we liked. And it's brand-spankin' new, they're putting the siding on it right now. We're the only offer as of today so we have a good chance of getting it too.
Bad: It's Monday morning. Self-explanitory, yes?
Ugly: Swim class starts in gym today. I am thankful that I have it seventh hour, and that i dont start my period until later in the week. (I'll still have swim class then but it sucks on the first day. >O ) I am NOT looking forward to seeing erm...some people in bathing suits. And of course I look horrible in mine (curse one pieces!!) because it fits on the chest part and on the butt part but its too big on the sides so it's reealllyyyy shapeless looking. >< And then when i get into the water it clings and I have to pick a wedgie every two seconds. Grr.
Anyway, that's all. My dad made breakfast. :D |
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| 09:23pm 24/10/2003 |
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mood: exhausted
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I'm so tired. I've been exhausted for almost the entire day. That's not good, expecially in gym class. We were playing soccer for the last day, and the ball was passed to me and I was of course, busy watching random things around the room. Then without thinking, I kicked it in the wrong direction. So I go up to Mrs. Hester and I'm like "I feel weird. I'm too tired to move and I can't pay attention to anything." and she just looks at me for a second and goes, "your eyes are dilated. Are you on drugs?"
So I got accused of being on drugs today. xD Then I had to explain that I might have ADHD and I probably just wore myself out today. She let me sit out. But it was still pretty funny. |
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| 05:49pm 23/10/2003 |
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mood:  mischievous
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Today was eventful, in a boring high-school way. I got a new textbook because we're starting a grammar unit in English. I liked the short story unit better. >O
We're watching The Prince of Egypt in History class. Sure beats taking notes. :D
I gave that speech, and screwed up a little. I got it over with though. That's good.
And in science, I got fined for breaking a test tube when I didn't. Yes, it was my test tube, but my idiot lab partner broke it. So of course I didn't object, it was only $8, but my comment was, "Oh yes, I broke this test tube with my MIND." xD Hey, if you have to pay a fine, you might as well make people laugh while you're doing so. :D Glass went flying everywhere. T'was pretty cool.
The swimming unit in P.E. starts Monday. :( I hate it. >O I need to buy a one-peice bathing suit by Monday. (in other words, something UGLY.) Oh well, at least it's an all girl's class with the exeption of Kevin, so it won't be that bad. And there's some people (few, but some) that I can swim better than, so I wont be embarassed to no end like I was in 7th grade.
I drew a picture yesterday.
Picture. there is a lack of clothes due to severe laziness. |
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kittispork's journal